Let me ask you a question. Do you know how to embrace your sexuality as a woman? Do you feel empowered in your body and able to advocate for your own sexual pleasure?
Now be honest, how did you feel reading that? Did it make you blush or feel uncomfortable? Were you intrigued by the question and where this article was going? Or did you confidently answer with a resounding “HELL YES”?
No matter your reaction to the question, chances are you have some room for improvement in the sexual empowerment department. And with all the conflicting messages about female sexuality out there — who’s to blame you?
Why is it so difficult as a woman to embrace your sexuality?
As women, we’ve been bombarded with unrealistic and confusing standards about our sexuality since “the talk” in pre-adolescence. Enjoy sex, but don’t sleep around. Women don’t masturbate but should just know how to get off. Women’s genitals are ugly, but the female body is beautiful. Men should be the aggressors, but they love women with a healthy sexual appetite. You should feel comfortable in your own skin, but don’t wear anything that gives the “wrong impression.”
Clear as mud, right? WRONG. And that’s just the tip of the confused-female-sexuality iceberg.
What does it mean to embrace your sexuality?
Embracing your sexuality is an important aspect of accepting yourself as a woman. This includes appreciating and knowing your body, recognizing your emotional and physical hormonal responses, staying in tune with your sexual desires, and being able to comfortably discuss sexual topics.
Depending on your upbringing and experiences as an adult, you may already have a pretty good handle on some of these aspects. However, in my experience, I tend to see that women struggle to embrace the entire scope of their sexuality. Why? Because it requires intention, patience, and practice to unpack the years of sexual baggage we each carry around.
Why is embracing your sexuality important?
Sexuality is a natural part of being human. By understanding and appreciating the many aspects of your sexuality, you are able to enjoy a more full and healthy life. And of course, you’ll be able to have a lot more fun as well!
The more comfortable you are with your body and discussing sexual topics, the more empowered you will feel to advocate for your own health and pleasure while encouraging others to do the same. Setting a sexually confident example for your own daughters and educating your sons is a crucial piece in changing the sexual empowerment narrative for future generations.
How do I start embracing my sexuality?
Embracing your sexuality on a physical and emotional level is a gradual process, one that we have to continuously work on our entire lives. Start practicing sexual empowerment by focusing on some of these aspects of your sexual self.
Love your body
Most women will agree that loving your body is not an easy task. With constant reminders of unrealistic beauty standards in the media, it’s much easier to list all the ways our bodies are flawed. This negative thought pattern is highly detrimental to your mental health and can hold you back from living your best life.
However, by looking at your body from a different perspective, you can learn to appreciate (and even love) how incredible your body actually is!
This body can run 3 miles and lift 100 pounds. This body birthed my healthy babies. This scar I can’t stand is actually a trophy of a challenge I’ve overcome.
When you appreciate your body for all the things it has and will accomplish, you can learn to love it for the beautiful gift that it truly is.
Understand your anatomy
It’s crucial to educate yourself on the basics of female anatomy so that you can understand and manage your health. Without understanding your anatomy and its intended functions, you will be less likely to identify health concerns when they occur.
The female reproductive system is extremely complicated, and (to make it even more challenging!) you cannot visually see most of it. But by taking a proactive, educated approach to managing your body, you will be more in tune with any physical changes that could signal an issue, be active in a way that feels authentic to you, and be able to advocate for your own sexual pleasure.
If you can’t look at your own genitalia without getting squeamish or reference a diagram of the female reproductive system and explain each anatomical part’s role — you have some studying to do.
Learn your cycles
Have you ever noticed how you feel a little different every week of the month? Sure, we’ve all heard of PMS, but what’s with the boost of energy and higher sex drive a few weeks later? Why do you feel so lethargic the week leading up to your menstrual period? Is there a hormonal reason you feel more creative and inspired on certain days?
Cycle syncing is understanding your monthly cycle and adjusting your routine to account for the impact hormones play in your daily life. I can say from personal experience and chatting with other women that cycle syncing is a game-changer for planning and achieving your most productive, fulfilling life.
Let’s talk about sex
If talking about your body, pleasure, or sex in general makes you uncomfortable, let’s get you comfortable with it!
I love the scene from 500 Days of Summer when Summer (Zooey Deschanel) dared Tom (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) to say “penis” out loud at increasing volume levels in a public park. Tom, being the reserved and polite gentleman, was hesitant to participate, while the sexually confident Summer quickly took the game to the extreme. They received a lot of funny looks from people passing by, which made Tom cease the game immediately — all the while providing an entertaining scene for both Summer and the audience alike.
While I don’t necessarily suggest that anyone start screaming the names of genitalia in a public place, this scene definitely illustrates the stigma around discussing sex with others. And this scene only addresses a standard anatomical part that nearly 50% of the population possesses.
If you can’t talk about sex, how can you explain when something goes wrong during sex? Or explain to your partner how you like to be touched and establish boundaries in the bedroom? If you’re uncomfortable discussing sex, how can you educate your children to practice safe sex and prevent sexual assault?
My point with all this? If we, as a society, don’t allow sexuality to be a regular part of conversation, then it will continue to remain taboo. And rejecting the taboo starts with us and with you.
Need some help understanding your body and exploring your sexual pleasure? Read one of these incredible books! I like to think of them as your personal sexual pleasure tourist guides. 🙂
Own your sexual pleasure
Owning your sexual pleasure and taking control of your sex life is an empowering feat for any woman. However, it also takes emotional strength and patience to develop a full appreciation for your sexual pleasure.
If you’ve never explored your sexual desires or fantasies, there’s no better time to start than right now. Take time to really focus on your own sexual pleasure. Go solo or ask your partner to help you experiment with different types of touch, toys, and sexual acts to determine what you like.
Now, ask yourself how this sexual exploration feels to you. Do you feel excited or ashamed? Do you enjoy the act or feel self-conscious? Work through any negative feelings about your sexual desires and really question why you have specific reactions. Oftentimes, these negative feelings are rooted deep in our upbringing and will take time to move past.
The most important thing to remember is it is your right as a woman and as a human to enjoy sexual pleasure. You were given a body equipped for physical pleasure, not as a temptation to avoid but as a gift to explore.
Be patient with yourself. As women, it often takes us many attempts to relax, get out of our heads, and fully embrace our sexual pleasure. But once you do —that’s when the real magic happens.
Embrace your sexuality
No matter where you are on your own sexual empowerment journey, I hope you’ve gained some helpful ideas and powerful insights to embrace your sexuality. Don’t forget to give yourself some grace as you explore your sexual side; take your time and experiment in a way that feels authentic to you.
Wishing you all the confidence, patience, and pleasure you need to uncover your inner sexual goddess.
How have you gotten comfortable with your sexual side? Did you learn to embrace your sexuality gradually with time and experience, or was there a catalyst that changed your perspective? Share your experiences in the comments!